Apologies for the delay in posting once again. When I moved out of the hotel and into my apartment 3 weeks ago, I didn't realize I was losing more than air conditioning. Although we had all paid for internet access a while ago, most of us didn't actually have it until late last week due to some kind of security clearance issue. I was the last of the crowd to have an activated connection. Now that I have it, I am kind of missing life without it! I was far more productive. Despite all that, it is nice to have so I can check in with my family, look up local places I want to check out, try to stay updated on what's going on in the world, and, of course, blog.
More frustrating than not having internet access was not having a laptop at all. Once we moved in, I plugged in my dongle and installed the software that would supposedly allow me access to the interwebs. Not realizing it hasn't been activated yet, I decided to turn my laptop on and off and see if that helped. I forgot to eject the dongle and it corrupted my hard drive. I was angry at myself because it was such a simple mistake and I really didn't want to deal with going to the "apple store." A week later, I got my laptop back with all of my files backed up in a folder on my desktop. I'm lucky I didn't lose anything since I left my external hard drive at home (travel tip: bring it with you and have your laptop backed up already unless you have a new computer or something).
I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that not having my laptop contributed to my first night being so difficult. I wasn't sure if I wanted to write about this, but hopefully it helps someone somewhere (I'm looking at you, prospective ETAs!). I also don't want to romanticize my experience here (not everyone in Kolkata can be Tagore, after all). I want to provide you all with a more accurate depiction of what my life is really like here, capturing both the positive and negative aspects of my adventures.
***Note: the rest of this post is a relatively in depth account of the first time I experienced intense culture shock. It was hard to write with the knowledge that everyone who finds my blog can read it, but I think it could be useful to share. If you don't want to read it, you can jump down to the next two paragraphs or simply to the next post.***
The first night I spent in my apartment was by far my lowest moment in India. It took me hours to drift into some sort of sleep. Normally, I like to unwind and distract my very active mind before bed with a movie or TV show (I was a cinema major after all). At the very least, I like to listen to some calming music or a soundscape. Without my laptop, I couldn't use any of these things to help me. I had been so excited to finally leave the comforts of the hotel and begin my real adventures, but it was a much harder transition than I anticipated. I felt ashamed that I was having such a hard time with the heat, general dirty nature of the apartment, and not having any comforts of home with the exception of a small pillow I brought with me. I wondered why I had thought moving to India was a good idea. During orientation, several presenters on culture shock had mentioned that you *will* have lows and you *will* question your decision to come in the first place, but I was so excited about everything at the time that I didn't take the warnings seriously. I certainly didn't think it would happen so soon.
I started feeling like I was burning up, so I decided to jump in the shower. I think the deet from the bug spray I had used earlier reacted with the water on my skin, which left me with very localized burning sensations on my back and shoulders. I tried to sleep all of this off, but once I turned the lights off, I couldn't stop noticing the white noise from the fan. I just sat there listening to the whirring, still wondering why I had ever come to this place. The apartment was eerie, full of so many antiques and old trinkets that were all locked away. It didn't feel like home at all. The heartburn I had from a meal earlier in the day was suddenly intensified and I struggled to fight my body's instinct to throw up. I couldn't decide if I wanted to leave the light on or off, since one was too bright and the other was too dark. I felt terrified, which was soon replaced with feelings of shame and weakness. I missed my family, my friends, my room, my bed... I wanted to be anywhere but there. I felt so alone. Still, I knew this culture shock was all part of the process and that morning would come eventually. I knew that even though this felt anything but natural, it was.
I started to think instead about why I came here. As I mentioned in my first post, I have always wanted to travel. I love learning about new cultures and think it's a great way to challenge yourself and your thoughts/beliefs. No matter who you are or how much you've traveled, immersion in a new culture will always manage to surprise you. Opportunities like this Fulbright grant allow you to explore and learn more about yourself as well as another culture. As a "lost 20-something," this really intrigued me. Also, I am a huge believer in the power of education. Had I not taken this Fulbright, one of my options was to teach English in a high-need school in New York City. Before that, I had many opportunities to teach and tutor many different populations, all of which had a different set of specific needs. In all of these positions, I saw the difference an effective educator can make in someone's life. While the results are not always completely apparent or very measurable (which is understandable, as these things often take time), it's such an honor to witness a student grow and mature before your eyes, even if it's just one. In high school, I was one of these students. I feel so lucky to have the opportunity to help give my students here tools of knowledge and empowerment to hopefully improve their personal situations as well as to become agents of change in their communities. I'm teaching in an all girls' school, which is exciting because female empowerment is an issue of huge personal importance to me.
Thinking about this and writing down my thoughts in my journal a friend gave me for such occasions helped empower me to overcome my panic, anxiety, and culture shock. I'm glad that I had such an intense moment so early in my travels here because it has already helped make my experience more meaningful. It certainly inspired me to stop relying on technology as much, especially as a way to distract my mind from thoughts that seem unpleasant. While it was certainly a low, it provided me with a perspective that has really enhanced my experience here.
More frustrating than not having internet access was not having a laptop at all. Once we moved in, I plugged in my dongle and installed the software that would supposedly allow me access to the interwebs. Not realizing it hasn't been activated yet, I decided to turn my laptop on and off and see if that helped. I forgot to eject the dongle and it corrupted my hard drive. I was angry at myself because it was such a simple mistake and I really didn't want to deal with going to the "apple store." A week later, I got my laptop back with all of my files backed up in a folder on my desktop. I'm lucky I didn't lose anything since I left my external hard drive at home (travel tip: bring it with you and have your laptop backed up already unless you have a new computer or something).
I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that not having my laptop contributed to my first night being so difficult. I wasn't sure if I wanted to write about this, but hopefully it helps someone somewhere (I'm looking at you, prospective ETAs!). I also don't want to romanticize my experience here (not everyone in Kolkata can be Tagore, after all). I want to provide you all with a more accurate depiction of what my life is really like here, capturing both the positive and negative aspects of my adventures.
***Note: the rest of this post is a relatively in depth account of the first time I experienced intense culture shock. It was hard to write with the knowledge that everyone who finds my blog can read it, but I think it could be useful to share. If you don't want to read it, you can jump down to the next two paragraphs or simply to the next post.***
The first night I spent in my apartment was by far my lowest moment in India. It took me hours to drift into some sort of sleep. Normally, I like to unwind and distract my very active mind before bed with a movie or TV show (I was a cinema major after all). At the very least, I like to listen to some calming music or a soundscape. Without my laptop, I couldn't use any of these things to help me. I had been so excited to finally leave the comforts of the hotel and begin my real adventures, but it was a much harder transition than I anticipated. I felt ashamed that I was having such a hard time with the heat, general dirty nature of the apartment, and not having any comforts of home with the exception of a small pillow I brought with me. I wondered why I had thought moving to India was a good idea. During orientation, several presenters on culture shock had mentioned that you *will* have lows and you *will* question your decision to come in the first place, but I was so excited about everything at the time that I didn't take the warnings seriously. I certainly didn't think it would happen so soon.
I started feeling like I was burning up, so I decided to jump in the shower. I think the deet from the bug spray I had used earlier reacted with the water on my skin, which left me with very localized burning sensations on my back and shoulders. I tried to sleep all of this off, but once I turned the lights off, I couldn't stop noticing the white noise from the fan. I just sat there listening to the whirring, still wondering why I had ever come to this place. The apartment was eerie, full of so many antiques and old trinkets that were all locked away. It didn't feel like home at all. The heartburn I had from a meal earlier in the day was suddenly intensified and I struggled to fight my body's instinct to throw up. I couldn't decide if I wanted to leave the light on or off, since one was too bright and the other was too dark. I felt terrified, which was soon replaced with feelings of shame and weakness. I missed my family, my friends, my room, my bed... I wanted to be anywhere but there. I felt so alone. Still, I knew this culture shock was all part of the process and that morning would come eventually. I knew that even though this felt anything but natural, it was.
I started to think instead about why I came here. As I mentioned in my first post, I have always wanted to travel. I love learning about new cultures and think it's a great way to challenge yourself and your thoughts/beliefs. No matter who you are or how much you've traveled, immersion in a new culture will always manage to surprise you. Opportunities like this Fulbright grant allow you to explore and learn more about yourself as well as another culture. As a "lost 20-something," this really intrigued me. Also, I am a huge believer in the power of education. Had I not taken this Fulbright, one of my options was to teach English in a high-need school in New York City. Before that, I had many opportunities to teach and tutor many different populations, all of which had a different set of specific needs. In all of these positions, I saw the difference an effective educator can make in someone's life. While the results are not always completely apparent or very measurable (which is understandable, as these things often take time), it's such an honor to witness a student grow and mature before your eyes, even if it's just one. In high school, I was one of these students. I feel so lucky to have the opportunity to help give my students here tools of knowledge and empowerment to hopefully improve their personal situations as well as to become agents of change in their communities. I'm teaching in an all girls' school, which is exciting because female empowerment is an issue of huge personal importance to me.
Thinking about this and writing down my thoughts in my journal a friend gave me for such occasions helped empower me to overcome my panic, anxiety, and culture shock. I'm glad that I had such an intense moment so early in my travels here because it has already helped make my experience more meaningful. It certainly inspired me to stop relying on technology as much, especially as a way to distract my mind from thoughts that seem unpleasant. While it was certainly a low, it provided me with a perspective that has really enhanced my experience here.
Christine thank you for sharing your experiences, both the highs and the lows. You are truly an amazing woman and I admire your strength and perseverance. You will truly inspire your students and future Fullbright scholars.
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